Have you ever been “wronged” in your life? I don’t mean by someone who simply cut in front of you in traffic or was rude to you in the checkout lane of your local grocery store. No, I’m talking about people who were once close to you. Have you been used or abused? Had lies told about you? Maybe you held a grudge for months or even years, and you’ve finally decided to forgive. But what do you do now? How do you mend those broken fences—especially when you weren’t the one who ripped them apart? Are you prepared for the journey that lies before you?

If you know the Word of God, you know the importance of forgiveness (Mark 11:25, 26). So your first step is to purpose in your heart to forgive the offending party. Don’t think that once you do this something “magical” will happen to transform you. With God as your guiding force, you will have a sense of peace; however, old emotions and thoughts may resurface. If you don’t stop those thoughts when they first start, that trickle will become a torrential river of emotions that will put you in a worse place than when you started.

At the first sign of those thoughts beginning to pop up in your mind, remind yourself of your decision to forgive the other person. Speak to your flesh by using scriptures that apply to your situation. Remember, the only way to combat thoughts is, not with thoughts, but with words—the spoken Word of God (2 Corinthians 10:4, 5). When Jesus was in the wilderness fasting for 40 days, Satan tempted Him three times (Matthew 4:1-11). Each time, Jesus spoke the Word: “It is written ….” Jesus fought and defeated the devil by speaking the Word of God.

Your next step is to contact the person in an effort to establish a new and better relationship. As you begin to spend more time with him or her, you may realize that forgiving the individual was the easy part. Although you have changed, don’t be surprised to find that the person with whom you are trying to rebuild a relationship is up to his or her “old tricks.” You don’t need to allow that person to abuse or take advantage of you in order to love him or her—enabling sin is not love. Rid yourself of any fear. Fear will only serve to connect you to the very thing you fear (Job 3:25). Then, stand strong in your faith, believing the person is a new creation. And be lovingly firm in your conviction to not allow further abuse. Demonstrate God’s love without being a “doormat.” If the person is persistently abusive, you have to love him or her from a distance, as you continue to hold the individual up in prayer.

The awesome part of your forgiving and reaching out to others is the transformation that will take place in their lives. They may begin to ask themselves, “Why is this person being so nice to me?” They’ll be so disarmed by your kindness that they will open their hearts to the Gospel (Romans 2:4)—and you’ll have made an eternal impact. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t seem to change overnight. Remember, God loved you even when you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8). Change is inevitable, even though it might not be immediate. Darkness can’t stay when the light of God is there, shining through you.

Forgiveness is not just for the benefit of others, but for your benefit as well. Your new attitude toward those who have hurt or despitefully used you—one of displaying God’s kind of love—will have a great impact on their lives and yours. There’s great freedom and peace in this walk of love, so don’t wait. It’s time to get your toolbox out and start repairing those damaged fences!

Visit our online Bible Study Center for more information on how to walk in God’s love. You will also find resources to help you grow in your walk with God at our online bookstore.

— Creflo A. Dollar